Many people are poking fun at the New Orleans NBA franchise for changing its name from Hornets to Pelicans. While it isn’t the best mascot in the world, I could think of several other stupid pro sports nicknames that eclipse “Pelicans”:
Magic: I’ve always hated this one. Even as a youngster when the Orlando expansion franchise was first created, I thought having the “Magic” moniker was lame. Between the stars coming out of the basketball in the logo, to the hideous early pinstripe jerseys, it fails on so many levels.
Jazz: this mascot name loses points because the franchise is located in the state of Utah, where music is forbidden. The Jazz originally came in as the New Orleans franchise (we’ve sort of come full circle, no?), which is home to the genre. I would argue that out of all fifty states in the union, Utah has the least amount of Miles Davis' “On the Corner” owners.
Seahawks: I’m not a big fan of the mythical creature mascots. I get that naval ships and helicopters have been nicknamed “Sea Hawk”, but Seattle’s logo isn’t a ship or a helicopter; It’s an angry, turquoise-colored Toucan Sam. Dumb.
Am I wrong?
Wild: I don’t get the history behind this team name. What about Minnesota is ‘wild’? Is it because the state has large areas of wilderness? Their logo, which has way too much going on, doesn’t provide any explanation. There is a sun, a shooting star, and five pine trees in the face of some sort of animal (Cougar? Bobcat? Opossum?). Hey, at least they’re a professional hockey team in an area that actually cares about professional hockey, unlike the teams in Florida, Arizona, North Carolina, and Columbus, Ohio.
Impact: I don’t follow the MLS, but I had a feeling they had at least one team with an awful moniker. No team should be named after a common sportscasting cliché. There aren’t any sports teams nicknamed “Clutch” or “Glue Guys”. Imagine the awkward radio/TV broadcasts: “Well, Bob, <insert name here> is really making an impact for the Impact. He’s the biggest impact player on the Impact.” Um, what?
Any WNBA team: Fever? Sky? Mercury? Shock? Really? (I actually mean “really?” – that’s not a mascot name). I’m not one of those WNBA bashers, but their mascot names are absolutely ridiculous. The only ones that somewhat make sense are the New York Liberty, and the NBA-inspired Silver Stars (San Antonio).
At least the Pelicans make sense in New Orleans. The pelican is the state bird of Louisiana. They are carnivores, steal food (a practice known as “kleptoparasitism”), and eat other birds. A pelican would physically dominate a cardinal, blue jay, or oriole. They’re not cute or cuddly, and they hate people. I’m slightly frightened of them. What more could you want in a mascot?
